Airplane
by Amaya Zorifuki
Summary: The Konoha eleven return from a vacation on a plane. Who knew the plane would be more memorable than the vacation?Oneshot, no pairing in general.


I kid you not, this is based on a dream I had. I'm aware that airplanes probably don't exist in the Naruto universe, but this still is what I dreamed for the most part. I did have to fill in a few gaps with a Monty python thing and a twilight zone thing.

…

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, the gremlin on the wing of the plane, the intercom gist, or any airplane of any kind, (but that would be cool) and the stewardesses are based on my sister and some of her friends.

…

The fiction will be divided into parts and sections to make things easier.

**Take off**

Odd as it all sounded, Amaya Dragon had been piloting for a long time. She and her co-pilot Reiko, who she called Rei and called her 'D' back occasionally, had flown around a lot but she had never flown with a group like this.

"What's with the group we've got today?" She asked her co-pilot. "They all look like they've never seen a plane in their lives."

"Well, this part of the world is new to it. Maybe they don't have an airport." Rei-chan told them. "Hey, Mil!" Rei called, calling Amaya's sister Millie who happened to be a stewardess.

"The guys in there are weird." She told the two pilots. "I mean status report worthy. One of them tried to sneak a dog onto the passenger area of the plane."

"What happened?" Her sister asked,

"The security guards had to be called. Then there was the anti-social guy who looks like he could break the lines of emo and start rattling off his stupid problems, and don't get me started on bowl cut boy and bowl cut boy jr. who nearly blinded everyone in the west gate by smiling."

"Ouch."

"Tell me about it. I heard they all had problems getting past customs with weapons they had." Said Rei

"More like a cult of something than ninja if you ask me. I mean who brings weapons with them on their vacation?" Said Amaya

"Hey, if they're coming back from vacation, how did they depart to wherever they went?" Reiko asked suddenly,

"From what I recall, several charter bus drivers haven't been the same since."

"I have a migraine just thinking about the blonde hyperactive kid." Said Millie "He seems a little dim in the attic, if you know what I mean."

Meanwhile,

"Wow! I can't believe that something big like this is gonna fly!" Naruto cried from his seat.

"Shut up Naruto." Sakura snapped at him from her seat in between him and Sasuke, separating the two. Ino chose this moment to walk over to the three of them and pipe up,

"Why don't you go over to my seat Sakura, leave me and Sasuke to ourselves." She said as she leaned over the other person sitting on the other side of Sasuke.

"I don't need to Ino-pig. I am perfectly fine sitting here."

Ino snorted and walked back her seat with Shikamaru and Chouji, all the teams had sat next to each other with the teachers together as well, due to there only being three seats in each section.

"The nerve of her." Ino grumbled,

"Oh, please Ino. Did you really expect her to give up he seat next to her precious Sasuke?" Shikamaru told her in his trademark sarcasm,

"It was worth a try." She snapped back at him.

"A hopeless try."

"Come on you guys." Chouji said,

"WHAT?" Ino fumed,

"Give it a rest already." Said someone in front of them. The three of them looked up as Tenten looked over her seat at them.

"We're stuck where were sitting. So please don't complain. I don't want to get in trouble."

"Yes! Your youth will get you through it." Said Lee, who almost blinded them via his teeth.

"Sit down Lee." Neji told him from his seat between the two, and pulled on his arm as Tenten reached across from Neji and pushed on his head to get him on his seat again.

Naruto looked over his seat, and discovered Hinata, Shino and Kiba.

"Hey Hinata, what do you think of this thing." He asked her,

"Well, it looks big." She muttered shyly.

"Yeah, you think something this big can really fly?"

"Who cares?" Kiba grumbled angrily, as he slouched in his seat.

"What's with him?" Asked Sakura, as she stuck her head up to see what was going on.

"He's rather upset that Akamaru had to be put in the luggage compartment." Hinata said as Kiba slouched further in his seat.

"Oh."

"…" Said Shino

The teachers were acting the way they always did as well.

'I have a bad feeling,' Kurenai thought as she glanced at her students with Naruto talking animatedly to Hinata.

Kakashi was reading his perverted book as usual, as Gai talked for who knew how long about who knew what.

"Flying in these giant things, what's next? It's god to see that we're going home from vacation in style. Right Kakashi?"

"Hmm? You say something?" Kakashi asked him, looking up.

Millie the stewardess walked in just in time to stop Asuma from lighting up.

"Sir, you can't smoke on the plane." She told him

"But I need a drag." He told her,

"It's bad for your health." She snapped at him, before reaching down and picking his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. Catching her own bad mood, she took a deep breath and spoke to him in a calm voice.

"I'll give them back after you get off." She glanced at Kakashi, who glanced back

"Yes?" He asked in a nonchalant way.

"Keep that book out of my sight or it's going with these in the back." She told him.

Kakashi smiled, "Yes ma'am, I'll make sure of that."

There was a ping as the intercom turned on.

"Hello, this is your captain speaking. Please fasten your seat belts as we begin to depart."

There was a clicking as they all put on the seat belts and waited to go. They heard the rumbling of the engines and watched as the plane moved onto the runway to take off.

"Wow! It sounds so strong, maybe it actually can fly." A loud voice yelled out.

"Shut up Naruto!" Sasuke grumbled

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**Calm before the storm**

The lift of went off with nothing screaming and blowing up, so it was mostly a success. And the intercom pinged again as though to prove it.

"Thank you. We have reached a flight of thirty thousand feet. You may now step around. The stewardesses will serve complimentary peanuts and soft drinks in a moment. In a few hours we will be stopping for the first drop of/pick up."

"That was so cool." Naruto said as he looked out the window, "we're so high up."

Behind him Hinata was also looking outside, she nearly fainted but managed to stay conscious due to Naruto's exited 'Wow!' and his eager laugh. Not to mention Sakura's annoyed voice scolding him,

"Naruto, calm down! We're very high up we get it! But just calm down or," she paused, "Or they'll throw you off."

Naruto must've bought it, because he stopped his laughing and sat back down. Sakura breathed a sigh of relief and leaned her head on her arm.

"Cha! Worked like a charm!" Inner Sakura screamed in her head. Next to her Sasuke turned his head to the front.

"This will be a long flight." He muttered,

Back in the cockpit the pilot and co-pilot were a tad apprehensive.

"I'm going to put it on auto pilot for a while." Said Amaya

When Millie came over to give a status report she looked uneasy,

"Nothing to bad so far." She told them "Just a cigarette bust and a small argument between a pink haired girl and the loud kid."

"The calm before the storm." Reiko said ominously as Miss Dragon gulped loudly.

Out in the other room there was a yell followed by a crash, Millie spun around.

"What's going on?" She asked,

"You're the stewardess! You go find out!" Screamed the two pilots,

"Oh right!"

She ran out to find a sight that would make most people pull their hair out. Another stewardess filled her in on the situation. Kiba had thrown something, which hit Ino causing her to leap out of her seat and strangle him. On the way to him she bumped into the snack cart, causing several drinks to spill and some glasses to break. Millie took a deep breath and walked over to the situation.

"Miss, Please return to your seat." She told Ino "You're disturbing the other passengers."

Ino turned to the stewardess and glared at her menacingly. She glared back,

"This mutt threw peanuts at me."

"Hey, I just threw it. Who said I threw it at you?" Kiba yelled from Ino's strangle hold, "I was aiming at someone else."

"Who?" Naruto asked from his seat,

"Who cares?" Ino shrieked, "The point is you hit me and you won't survive the plane ride!"

"Sit down or I'll have to bring you to the back room where you'll help serve refreshments." Millie threatened.

Ino glared at both her and Kiba one more time before returning to her seat. Millie wiped sweat of her forehead before continuing with cleaning and serving the others.

"Can I get you something sir?" She asked Shino,

"…" Shino just sat there, hardly registering if he was a corpse or not.

"Okay then." Millie muttered sweat dropping

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**The wing of the plane**

"Uh, sir? That's your twelfth bag of peanuts." Said a stewardess everyone called Spivey, "I'm going to have ask you to stop asking and eating your own food for a while."

"Okay." Spivey watched as Chouji pulled some chips from his bag and proceeded to eat them.

"Whatever." She said, moving over to Neil's team, "Can I help you with anything?"

"No." Came the stoic voice of Neji

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"At all?"

"No."

Spivey looked at him and looked at Lee,

"You need anything?" She asked him,

"No thank you, I appreciate the service that you are supplying with that of your…"

"Okay, Miss?" She turned to Tenten, cutting Lee off.

"No, thanks." Tenten assured her.

Spivey chose to grab a drink (of soda) before swinging around back. Lee took this chance to stare out the window. His round eyes cast a glance at the wing.

"Hey Tenten?"

"What Lee?"

"What's that?" Lee pointed towards the wing at something sticking out of it.

Tenten looked at where he was pointing. She saw nothing.

"I don't see anything." She told him, as she continued reading her astrology book.

Lee looked but saw whatever it was again crawling from the underside of it, on closer inspection, he saw it was some kind of small person or something. Weird! What was it doing on the wing of a plane thirty thousand feet in the air?

Behind him, Chouji noticed the strange person as well,

"Hey Shikamaru? I think there's something on the wing of the plane."

The laziest ninja in the world looked out the window and blinked.

"I don't see anything."

"Huh?" Chouji said "Ino do you see anything?"

Ino leaned over Shikamaru and glanced out the window, unsure of what to say.

"Nope, maybe you just saw a duck fly by or something." She muttered before sitting back down.

Both Chouji and Lee stared out the window and saw it again. It seemed to be just sitting there as the roar of the engine droned on.

"There's a man on the wing of the Plane!"

Spivey looked up from the soda she was giving Sasuke and turned to the two who could not take it any more and.

"What did you two say?" She asked

"There's some kind of person on the planes wing, look."

Spivey glanced out the window and narrowed her eyes,

"Hang on just a second." She moaned as she exited that part of the plane.

The others glanced out the side that Lee and Chouji were sitting on.

"None of us see anything." Said Sakura,

"Or care," Added Neji

"But we both saw it." Said Lee, who seemed so sure of him self at that point, "And the stewardess said she'd do something."

"Hey, maybe it wasn't a person," said Kiba "Maybe it was some kind of gremlin who's bent on destroying the plane."

"Kiba!" Sakura scolded before turning to the two guys, "Look out the window, do you see it anymore?"

"No."

"Than maybe it was your imagination."

"Then why did we both see the same thing?" Asked Chouji.

"I've heard that can happen sometimes." Said Shikamaru, "Either way there's no way anything could survive out there at this altitude."

"You are in so much trouble!" Came a voice,

Heads turned to the back of the area to see Spivey walking in pulling something, jaws dropped as a small person was being led out by his ear,

"How many times have we told you? But you just don't listen. Now apologize to those boys."

"I'm sorry." He mumbled,

"This guy does it so many times I swear. It's like the little gremlin's out to destroy us or something." She pulled him out to the cockpit muttering something along the lines of 'every airport has one.'

Everyone was speechless, Kiba especially,

"I was just kidding. I must use this power for good!" He said, only half joking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**Intercom**

After they had scolded the gremlin, the pilots had run out of things to do.

"I spy with my little eye, something blue."

"Sky?"

"Yup."

Rei moaned out as Amaya yawned.

"We've been doing this for how long? It feels like two hours."

Amaya checked her watch,

"Seven minutes. We need to think of something else to pass the time. I wing this plane was small enough to do a barrel roll, or something." She sighed wistfully,

"Yeah, this is boring despite the weird passengers we've got." Said Rei, unknowingly leaning on something and not hearing the 'ping' that sounded.

In the area where all the ninja were seated, (after they calmed down over the gremlin incident) They had reached a state of calm, so of course something just had to come to rip it apart.

"I mean, they have a certain kind of air about them you know? Nothing too snide or anything, they just seem off to me."

The intercom had turned on, and the pilots seemed totally unaware,

"Well they are ninja, maybe crazy is just standard."

"Come on Rei, something about them creeps me out." The other said,

"Amaya, as much as I respect your gut feelings I really think you need to chill." The one named Rei told Amaya.

"What the?" Most everyone said at the same time,

"How can I? I feel like they're gonna do something so crazy we'll fear flying." Amaya said with no tone of joking in her voice.

"Don't jump to conclusions." Rei-chan scolded, "Remember last time you overreacted and you ended up with a morbid fear of bees?"

"Shut up." Amaya "You became afraid of tweezers."

"That's not much of a fear." Said Naruto from his seat.

"Anyone care to wager when they'll discover that the intercom is on and we can hear every word they're saying?" Said Kiba,

"I mean, I know they have issues but at least they're better then that flight we had last month remember?" Rei said, starting to chuckle.

"Oh yeah, I remember those rude old cogs. We did the intercom gag with those loons."

"How could I forget?" Rei laughed, "Please return to your seats we are experiencing some turbulence." She choked, putting on a mocking voice

"Yeah, we had our cute little gremlin shake things up for us." Amaya laughed, "We had him rip off the 'left phalange' remember that?"

"What I can't believe is that most of them were actually married." Said Rei, "Wasting all their good times with those losers. I mean your only single once."

"Well," Amaya mused, "Twice can be arranged." (I think that too)

Most everyone looked up at that one, Shikamaru spit out the drink he was sipping. And Kiba choked on one of his peanuts. Millie froze in mid-serve,

"I'm gonna kill that sister of mine"

"Your sister is the pilot?" Sasuke asked, half-amused.

Millie paused as the others of team seven looked at her, before she rushed into the cockpit. The conversation heard by all the ninja's went as follows,

"Hey Mil. What do you need?" Asked Amaya casually,

"We figured you'd be going on another round." Rei said nonchalantly,

"I can hear you."

"Yeah, and we can hear you. So what can we do for you?" Rei asked,

A sigh was heard,

"How can I put this in a way that will embarrass you?" A pause "I know! Twice can be arranged, huh?"

"What?" The two of them said at the same time. There was another pause before Rei shouted,

"Uh, very elaborate prank! Thank you!" And the intercom went dead.

The ninja chuckled as Millie walked out of the cockpit fuming.

"Why did I agree to go on this flight with her?" She asked herself and kicked the serving cart. The intercom went on again and Amaya's voice rang out,

"I totally meant what I said." Then it went dead

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**Who now?**

Naruto had gone to answer one of nature's calls, (announcing that to Sakura maybe wasn't the best idea) while returning he noticed some of the stewardesses talking amongst them selves. He squatted down and listened,

"I've never been on a plane with ninja before." Spivey admitted, "It's interesting."

"I like that one with the pale eyes." Said a stewardess name Shinku,

"I don't know, that guy with the black hair and eyes is cute." Millie admitted, "The loud kid said his name is Sasuke."

They all smiled and sipped sodas,

"You notice anything going on between any of them?" Asked Spivey, "I noticed a few things with him and the pink haired girl. Most of It's kind of a Mr. Bad Boy meets sound of music kind of thing, you know?"

"The blonde girl like's Sasuke too you know." Shinko noted, "Either way, they are really odd."

"I don't know," came Millie's voice, "The blonde girl and pineapple head look good together. As well as that girl with the buns and the guy with long hair, now they look cute together."

"And could the blonde boy be any more clueless?" Shinku said,

"Ain't that the truth?"

"I really hope that the teachers stay under wraps. Did you see what that one was reading?" One stewardess with blue dreadlocks by the name of Alex said, "I'm going to throw up just thinking about it."

Naruto snickered from his hiding place. He quietly moved over to a better spot.

"I'm also having a bit of trouble with the dog in the cargo hold. It's kind of a monster." Alex continued,

"That's just because you're a cat person." Millie said lamely.

"True." Everyone else agreed.

"You know, I heard that there was this really big secret concerning one of those guys." Said Shinko,

"I know what it is." Millie said, everyone leaned in, "The blonde one is in trouble."

Naruto froze as the four girls turned to him, and grabbed his arm.

"Let me warn you," Shinko said to him, "If you ever spy on any of us again, I'll make your life the epitome of misery. Get it?"

Naruto nodded weakly, and ran off when she let go of him. When he sat back in his seat Sakura looked over at him.

"What took you so long?" She asked, "On second thought, don't answer that."

Naruto glanced over at Shikamaru and Ino, who were arguing quietly,

"I don't see it."

(Based my friends and I talking about our favorite Naruto pairings.)

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**That thing.**

Alex and Spivey had gone out to help some of the ninja and Kiba was getting more and more restless.

"Kiba, pet's aren't allowed on this part of the plane." Hinata told him for the hundredth time. "Maybe a soda will calm you down."

She called over Alex and asked for a soda, before she could go Kiba opened his mouth.

"Why do you have blue dreads?" He asked,

Alex frowned but handed him the glass anyway, "Because I can." And sauntered away.

Kiba sipped his drink in an annoyed way and turned to Shino who just sat there.

"Hey Hinata, You think Shino's dead?"

Hinata shook her head no, "I think I can see him breathing Kiba."

Meanwhile in the stewardess seating area Shinku had started to fall asleep. She moaned, "I want to fall asleep but I can't. I was up all night last night too."

The other stewardess who was on a break (who happened to be Millie) smirked an impossibly wicked smirk and walked over to her friend, stared her in the eye and started to dangle a yo-yo she confiscated the week before in front of her face.

"Sleep and dream. Enter a world of blissful calm." She spoke in a dreamy sounding voice, "Let yourself fall into a silent void of nothing, for sleep is the true pursuit of happiness. Bumper bumper stumper boos." She sang out.

In Millie's defense she had several cups of coffee. What's more it had actually worked, if not for something licking Shinku's leg.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The two of them jumped up and reached under the seat and grabbed whatever it was. They stared at Akamaru, as he seemed to smile as them.

"What the hell?"

Shinku had marched out and over to where team eight was sitting. She tapped Kiba on the shoulder.

"Come with me." She said in a scary way as she lifted him up and dragged him out. This caught the attention of the others and they all watched as the frightening stewardess led him out. They strained their ears to listen,

"Look, I know you and the dog are inseparable but you have to convince him to say in the luggage compartment."

"No way! If he goes in there I go in there." Kiba shot back, they heard Akamaru bark in reply.

"But people aren't allowed in there." There was a silence before the other girl spoke up, "I think I have an arrangement that everyone can agree on."

There was a scuffling noise, and a muffled grunt. They hadn't seen hide or hair of Kiba on the plane since then.

(You'll find out what happened to him later.)

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**Something that happened on vacation**

Tenten leaned over to the window and chose to ignore what may have happened to Kiba. She decided to reminisce with Neji,

"It's good to be going home after that interesting vacation." She said, "I liked it a lot."

"Hmm." The only thing Neji said in response,

Tenten decided to make fun on him. "I liked that improvisation show we went and see." She loved the way Neji shuddered and added, "Mainly that one part."

_Flashback _

_The two of them along with the others sat in the audience as they actors played out the scene. One of the actors had received an interesting thing._

'_A caveman looking for a mate.'_

"_Must find pretty girl." He had said, He walked up the rows and looked at them, stopping at Neji._

"_Pretty girl." He had said to Neji, who looked like he could kill. It didn't matter if it was the actor or those laughing at him. He would kill._

"If there weren't so many witnesses I would have killed him in such a gruesome way."

Tenten smiled, "At least it was when the camera's were off."

"Not Naruto's." He muttered back,

"Well, in the actors defense, you do look like a girl. A very pretty one." She said

"Tenten?"

"Yeah?"

"No. Just no."

"Not to mention." Lee piped up, "That contortionist girl who flirted with you really seemed to like you. I've never seen anyone bend that way."

"Both of you."

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

(Please don't fry me for this, it was on 'whose line is it anyway' and I couldn't resist as it popped into my head.)

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**Pervert!**

Spivey sighed as she walked down the isle if the plane after the Kiba fiasco. She stopped as she heard a giggling sound. She turned to Kakashi as he read his book.

"Uh, sir?" She asked, "As afraid as I am to ask this, must you read that?"

Kakashi stared at her as she stared back; they both blinked before Kakashi turned back to his book and said, "Yes"

Millie walked over and stuck her head over the book,

"Your not causing trouble, are you?" she asked, "Because I warned you what would happen if you caused trouble."

"Oh, I didn't know about that." Spivey laughed, as she started to explain what happened. Nearby, Asuma noticed his confiscated cigarettes sticking out of Millie's pocket. He was feeling withdrawal and decided what the heck. He reached for the cigarettes and was about to get them when several hands grabbed his. Kurenai and Millie gripped his arm and twisted as they both growled.

"I said no smoking on the plane." Millie growled,

"Hands away from the pocket." Kurenai said in a less menacing but just as worthy voice.

"Yes, ma'am." Asuma muttered as they both released his arm and let him go.

Gai turned to Kakashi, "Almost took you precious book away, Kakashi." He said, "Close call huh?"

All he got back was a small giggle from his rival.

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**The fun (yeah right, fun) is over**

"Ladies and gentlemen we are landing soon, please fasten your seat belts as we make our descent. Finally." Everyone sweat dropped as the intercom shut off and they all clicked the seat belts shut.

The landing went as smooth as the takeoff. Of course everyone was glad to feel solid ground again, as they exited the plane they felt a state of calm, Asuma got his cigarettes back so he was especially glad.

"Thank you for flying Gryphon Airlines." Millie said to him in a voice chock full of false cheer.

Everyone moved over the baggage claim, Hinata glanced around.

"I can't find Kiba anywhere. I haven't seen him since the incident on the plane."

"I'm sure he's somewhere, Hinata." Ino assured her, but gave an unsure look to the others when she turned her back.

Naruto searched for his duffel bag and pulled at it when it came up. Sakura noticed Akamaru's cage and picked him up for Kiba.

"Don't forget me." Came a voice on the conveyer belt. Sakura, (along with everyone else) looked and saw Kiba in a cage a little bigger than the one Akamaru was in.

"I wouldn't let Akamaru go in without me so they stuffed me in here. Let me out."

They all looked at each other grinning, and put them both on the luggage trolley and carted them off.

"Wait a second! This is cruel and unusual punishment!"

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Ok, all of the original characters are based off of people I really know. I would like to credit them just in case.

Amaya: Me (I just picked a name I like)

Rei-chan: My friend Helen (Her other name is Reiko, you can find her in several of my fictions)

Millie: My younger sister Millie (How clever.)

Spivey: Millie's friend whose last name is Spivey (I call her that because we have the same first name)

Shinku: My friend Scarlett (Her name in Japanese is really Shinku)

Alex: My older half-sister Alex (she really does have blue dreads and I had to add her in some fiction or another.)

…

Anyway, thank you for reading my random fiction and I hope you review. I'll try to update other fictions if you care.


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